Unsaid Grief: The Pain of Losing Someone Who Is Still Alive

Losing your everyday person is another kind of grief that no one really talks about. How do you actually deal with this grief? Like you know this person exists, has a life of their own…..but do they also feel the same pain as you do? The questions that bother you at 3am every night and the random tears that fall down your face when no one's around but you still hold a smile in front of everyone. This feeling that a part of your heart is snatched away from you and you don't really know how to function but you still manage to fool everyone else but in reality you are actually trying to fool yourself…..what about that ? What do you call that now? The few things left unsaid, the few hugs left behind and the whole of your heart that belongs to them. How do you recover from that ? You sit alone lost in your thoughts waiting to be found by not anyone but them. The smell of their cologne, the eyes that looked with love, the smile that made you happy, their soft hands brushing through your face, the little kisses they planted on your cheeks, their arms that felt like home and the loving words that made you feel valued. How can a person manage to make you feel seen, heard, valued and belonged for a long time but then there is nothing all at once, as if everything just vanished like it never existed !

Days turn into weeks then months and years, maybe we move on with our life….but does this pain go away completely maybe it fades away a little but it always stays in a corner of our hearts just like that favourite t-shirt we have in the back of the cupboard and someday when we clean that cupboard we find it still the favourite one with all those memories. And again we get lost reminiscing those happy and sad memories but how funny is it that we cling onto those happy memories more often like we never lost that person all those years ago. Those memories are all you’ve left and you pack them away in a box promising never to open it but can you really do that? No matter how much you try to forget them, they stay within you.

Have you ever met someone new thinking that “okay now i am ready” but then your eyes search for them, you wish they had the same smell and that their arms would feel like home but then everything feels different. It feels weird, unsettling really and then it makes you realize that you can never have that again. All hope is lost, the darkness you felt all those years ago caves in and that grief renews itself. No matter how hard you try you cannot push it away years later, you are still reminded of them in unimaginable ways. Every little thing reminds you of them and eventually you give up, give up on the thought of searching for someone new. You settle for their memories, the happy ones of course that once lit your eyes, brought a smile on your face and gave you a sense of comfort. You learn to live with that grief and that person within you because that is where all your happiness belongs.